Number 2: "Could I please have my nickle back?"

"No but really, could I please have my money back?"

I hope that this is the statement being uttered by anyone who has ever accidentally or, unfortunately, intentionally purchased the Nickleback album.

Why do I loathe thee so? Let me count the ways...

First off, let me clarify something. Early I stated "intentionally purchased the Nickleback..." to which you might respond, "But there are several Nickleback albums. In fact I own them all," to which I would respond, "Oh, so you really have fallen victim to their genius?"

Allow me to elaborate:

In 2001 this Canadian rock band found its way onto the American Top 100 charts with their "smash" hit "How You Remind Me", a song about, well, I'll just let lead singer Chad tell you:

it's not like you didn't know that
I said I love you and I swear I still do
And it must have been so bad
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you

And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am

Hmm. Poignant.

But the briliance did not stop there. No, I had hardly just begun. Understanding just how little effort it takes to trick the minds of the general music listening population, Nickleback pulled one of the greatest cons in the history of music by releasing 3 more albums, all of which consisted of the same song! It's true!

But if that's not amazing, listen to this. Even though they recorded the same song over and over again (with different lyrics to throw you off their tracks), the song not only didn't get better, it got worse! Let me give you the greatest example of the greatest debacle in lyrical history:


Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now then it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god

Oh god is right.

You want to know how Nickelback got their name? From Wikipedia.com:

The band's name originates from the nickel in change that band member Mike Kroeger often had to give customers in his previous job at Starbucks, and would frequently say "Here's your nickel back".


No wonder they just won an American Music Award for best Rock band.